John Carter: A continuation of Taylor Kitsch's bad summer

Civil War veteran John Carter finds himself transported to Mars, where he becomes entangled in a different civil war between the inhabitants of the planet. He must decide if he will help the Martian Princess or simply continue to drift through life as he was doing back on Earth.

At this point, you almost feel bad for Taylor Kitsch. Both of the major summer blockbusters he has starred in (this one and Battleship) have lost their respective studios money and were soundly drubbed by film critics. However John Carter, like Battleship, was not such a horrible movie. The story, while overburdened with an excess of useless subplots, cutesy Disney moments and unnecessary characters, was accessible enough for the audience so they could at least have a basic understanding of what was happening on screen (i.e. John needed to unite two of the warring factions against the third in order to save the planet and rescue the beautiful Martian Princess). The action became repetitive (yes, we know John can jump really high, that was clear the tenth time we saw it on screen!) but it was palpable and kept the audience engaged. Kitsch tried his best to play up John as an anti-hero who was torn between those incidents which broke him back on Earth and the need to become the warrior and leader he seemed destined to become, and there were some scenes which were effective (the part where there are cuts between a battle sequence and John burying his family comes to mind) but there were some points where he just seemed lost and looked more like Abercrombie & Fitch model who accidentally wondered unto the set. The rest of the cast failed to rise above the mediocre dialogue and character development provided to them by the cliched script.

It is never going to be considered a classic or even a great sci-fi fantasy film but John Carter is not the most horrible way to spend two hours of your life.

Grade: C

The Muppets: A perfect family movie

When Kermit and the rest of the Muppets learn their beloved theater is slated for demolition so the evil Tex Richman can take all of the oil underneath it, they team up with their new friends Gary and Walter to do one more show in order to raise enough money to save it.

In a world full of unnecessary remakes, daft films about vampires that glitter in the sun (yes, I took a cheap shot at the Twilight series) and other puerile junk that lack any redeeming value of any type, it's hard to find a film that is not only able to entertain an audience, but also just make them feel good once the end credits start rolling. A film that can make one laugh, think and (maybe even) cry due to its sincerity and simple message. Thankfully, The Muppets provided all of those things and more. The story of Kermit and the rest of the gang getting together to do one last show in order to save their theater was not meant to blow people away with a complex plot, abundant special effects or excessive amounts of inappropriate humor (that's not to say there weren't hilarious parts throughout because there were plenty of those), rather it simply wanted to show that if one believed in themselves as well as their friends, anything (including defeating an evil oil tycoon in Tex Richman), is possible. I think we live in such a cynical age anymore that messages like that get lost in the overwhelming swirl of reality television, the internet or any of the other modern trappings that seem to rule our lives. Hopefully children who view this movie will take this lesson to heart, and their parents (or any other adults, teenagers, etc.) will as well.

The Muppets was a fun movie that not only kept the audience laughing, singing and smiling, but also delivered the kind of message that made a person feel good walking out of the theater or pressing stop on the blu-ray player.

Grade: A

The Adventures of Tintin: A serviceable adventure

World famous reporter Tintin and his trusty dog Snowy stumble into an adventure after he purchases a mysterious old model of a ship called the Unicorn. Along the way he must escape from the nefarious Sakharine and help Captain Haddock find his ancestors' missing treasure.

There certainly was plenty of adventure and excitement to be had in the film. Director Steven Spielberg tried to craft the title character into an Indiana Jones - like hero, putting him into dangerous situations in which he had to use his wits (and his muscle) to escape. However, if you took away the motorcycle chases, narrow escapes, and other action sequences the film essentially fell flat as its story and characters were dull and bland. One of the most glaring missteps was the fact that the audience was never given Tintin's backstory. It is explained that he is a famous reporter but that was it. It's understood that, to keep the flow of the story going, there was no need to spend a half and hour explaining how Tintin got his start as a reporter, how he found Snowy or how his hair is able to maintain its shape while he is dodging bullets but little nuggets of information here and there would have helped. The story seemed to focus more on Captain Haddock and his tale of redemption. And while that served to provide the audience with a valuable life lesson, the rest of the film was cheapened by poor storytelling and bad humor that lessened its potential impact.

The Adventures of Tintin contained breathtaking animation and enough excitement to keep audience members of all ages engrossed but it lacked the solid storytelling of those classic Disney Pixar films.

Grade: C

Pirates of the Caribbean 4: On Stranger Tides

Captain Jack Sparrow finds himself on a quest to help a woman from his past named Angelica find the Fountain of Youth. But they are not the only ones pursuing this fabled treasure, and Jack must use all of his wits to not only find the fountain, but survive the likes of his old nemesis Barbossa, the Spanish, and Blackbeard.

If there was one thing most fans would expect from this fourth installment of the Pirates series, it was that Johnny Depp would once again provide a memorable/hilarious performance as the lovable Captain Jack Sparrow. Unfortunately, his Sparrow this time around was tired and haggard, much like the film itself. There were still bits and spurts of the usual Sparrow-esque hilarity but Depp looked weary and restrained, simply going through the motions in order to cash another large check from the Disney company. The rest of the cast failed to add any sort of noteworthy turn (the chemistry between Depp and Penelope Cruz was non-existent and Ian McShane's Blackbeard was never given the chance to do anything but stare menacingly at the other actors) and, quite frankly, the presences of Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley were sorely missed. The story was a convoluted mess that tried too hard to be as clever as any of the three previous films but even if it succeeded in grabbing the audience's attention, the characters were so lifeless and uninteresting no one in said audience would care about what was happening on the screen. Oddly enough a movie about pirates was missing naval battles, it was also lacking in time spent by the characters on actual boats. While there were a couple of solid action pieces sprinkled throughout the film (the most intense and exhilarating of which was the mermaid attack on the crew, the mermaids in the "Pirates" universe are a whole lot scarier than any other mermaid one has been exposed to), a naval battle or two would have added some more excitement, which this fourth installment seemed to be lacking.

If you are a completest and have already seen the first three Pirates films, chances are you will be able to find Pirates of the Caribbean 4: On Stranger Tides somewhat watchable but everyone else would be wise to stay away from this lackluster sequel.

Grade: C-